The Jason Patric Story: A Time To Forgive

I was in the waiting room at the doctor’s office last week, and I began to flip through a People Magazine on the coffee table. I came across an article about Jason Patric that both saddened and angered me. Moved to tears, I went home and researched his story.

Jason Patric, best known for his roles in The Lost Boys and Sleepers, is involved in an acrimonious legal battle with his ex-girlfriend, massage therapist Danielle Schreiber.

Patric and Schreiber dated for ten years and during that time, were unable to naturally conceive a child. In 2009, both agreed to pursue in-vitro fertilization. The following year, the couple welcomed their son Gus into the world.

Patric was involved in his son’s life until the couple’s relationship ended in June 2012. Shortly after, Patric was denied visitation and not allowed to see his son. This prompted Patric to take legal action, and what started as a joint custody case transformed into a major legislative battle regarding sperm donor rights.

Schreiber states, “When Jason offered me his sperm, it was under the condition that his donation never be made public and that he would not be father to the child. She said, “I chose to use a known donor over a stranger, but only after I knew the law would protect my ability to make the best decisions for my son.” (You can read Danielle Schreiber’s full statement here.)

She also says that Patric only spent a few hours per week with his son, and he did not inform family members of his child.

Some also wonder why Patric’s name is not on the birth certificate.

Patric contradicts her statements.

Patric told People Magazine  he was NOT a sperm donor and was willing to co-parent his son. He told The Huffington Post that he was a part of his son’s life for two years until the couple’s relationship fell apart, and then he was denied access to his son. He also said that the birth certificate omission was necessary to protect his son from the pitfalls of his fame. During an interview with ABC news, Patric said he would never have agreed to IVF if Schreiber did not want him to be the father. Both Patric and Schreiber signed their names as “intended parents” on IVF forms.

In California, a sperm donor not married to the recipient is not recognized as the natural father, unless there is a written agreement beforehand stating that the donor wishes to be a parent.

The judge ruled in favor of Schreiber, stating that Patric was a sperm donor and without a written agreement, had no parental rights.

So let me get this straight.

A couple of ten years walked into a fertility clinic, signed IVF forms, went through the procedure, were blessed with a son, continued their relationship for two more years, split up, and now the father has no right to see his son?

Watching Patric’s television interviews, one can sense his despair. Jason Patric was involved in his son’s life, and he has never been accused of abuse or neglect. The child’s mother, and a law designed for sperm donors, have prevented him from having a loving relationship with his son.

Patric admits to writing a letter to Schreiber. In the letter, he questioned his readiness to become a parent and his reluctance to marry. However, months later, the couple decided to try IVF. Is he dealing with a vindictive ex-girlfriend who decided to punish him for ending the relationship by using her child and the legal system as a weapon to inflict emotional pain? Are this child’s best interests being ignored in order to execute vengeance on a former lover? If BOTH parents signed the IVF donor forms as “intended parents” with no written agreement, why does the mother call the shots?

On the other hand, Schreiber devoted several years of her life to this relationship. Patric was willing to conceive a child with her, but he wasn’t able to marry her?

There is enough drama in this story to make your head spin. I do not know the personal, intricate details. I only know what is written in news articles. The rest is speculation. This was another tragic story sprawled in different magazines for readers  to dissect, analyze and judge. I almost fell into the trap. I grew angry at the mother for torturing the father. I struggled to remain neutral.  Instead of focusing on the gift of a baby boy, the parents were focused on a courtroom squabble.

Then I realized something.

These dramas not only brought out the worst in the participants, they brought out the worst in us. With this story,  everyone fixated on the themes presented by the news media such as single parenting, father’s rights, bias in family courts, and feminism, and then used these themes  to vent  political and cultural frustrations.  Everyone talked about the storm, but no one mentioned the damage: another child without a father. It wasn’t as explosive or interesting.  Amid the conflicting stories, the raw emotions, and the legal jargon, there is one virtue I wish this couple would explore:

Forgiveness.

Anger, hate, and resentment are controlling this situation, and the child’s well-being should be priority.  Maybe Danielle Schreiber is vindictive. Maybe Jason Patric is immature. When hate triumphs, there are few winners and too many losers. To repair the damage, they must put their swords on the table, set their egos aside, ignore outside influences, and explore freedom through forgiveness.  When forgiveness is alive, dramas like this are handled in private, not in family court or in tabloid magazines. Can this couple forgive one another and move on? Can both parents apologize for hurting the other and start raising their child?

To find out more, go to www.standupforgus.com.

Image courtesy of www.abcnews.go.com.