Ten Lessons I Learned From The Ultimate Cancer Warrior

It’s October again, and time to not only bring awareness to breast cancer, but honor the women who have died from this terrible disease.

In May, my best friend Melissa Bourgeois passed away from breast cancer complications after a ten year struggle. She was thirty-eight years old.

When I first met Melissa, she was a vibrant, young woman in her late twenties. She had just begun her new career as a nurse anesthetist, and her life was full of hope and promise. But not long after she began working, she was diagnosed with Stage 3B breast cancer.

Right after her diagnosis, Melissa and I spent time together and became good friends. We took trips to Fredericksburg, Austin, San Antonio, and Sedona. We talked for hours about typical female issues: fashion, hairstyles, makeup, diets, and whether or not Kim Kardashian REALLY wore a size 2.

She never talked about cancer, only when it made its presence known, and it didn’t take long for me to realize Melissa was special. I marveled at her ability to minimize her disease. I sometimes forgot she even had cancer. Like putting gas in the car or stopping by the store for forgotten groceries, she  treated cancer as a minor inconvenience she dealt with between vacations and social engagements.

Melissa had something I didn’t, and I needed to learn from her.  I observed and took mental notes, and her blueprint for success and happiness in the midst of tragedy was revealed. I learned invaluable lessons from Melissa - lessons that not only helped me fight my own battle with cancer, but handle any hardship in my life.

Always look your best. Melissa endured multiple chemotherapy treatments and surgeries, but she did so in style. She never left the house without flawless make-up and fashionable clothing. In fact, Melissa was known to request her make-up bag in the recovery room after her surgeries. She always wore jewelry, applied perfume, and was a proponent of matching undies. By maximizing factors within her control, she felt empowered to handle what was out of her control.

Eat lots of chocolate. Melissa and I often discussed, with a dreamy gaze, our favorite chocolate desserts. Our favorites were chocolate creme brûlée cheesecake and the chocolate, chocolate-filled donut from Shipley’s. Chocolate warmed her heart and put a smile on her face.

Be prepared. Melissa had a mid-size Dooney and Bourke purse. I called it her “Harry Potter magic purse.” Her purse contained a fix for every cosmetic emergency imaginable. No matter what I asked for, Melissa produced it. From flat irons to power tools (just kidding), Melissa was prepared for anything. So when it came to her cancer battle, having a detailed plan for every possible scenario provided stability in her unpredictable  life.

Don’t be a p**sy! Melissa often put her fists up like a boxer and uttered this catchy phrase. She was feminine, but tough-as-nails. She could swallow a handful of pills without water, run six miles a day during chemotherapy, and rarely allowed herself to cry. If cancer survivors were an elite fighting force, she would’ve been the captain.

No negativity please. Melissa didn’t have time for negative people. Her inner circle of friends and family encouraged her, and she drew strength from their positivity. She only exposed herself to positive people and information.

Just because life is a bitch doesn’t mean you have to act like one. Melissa suffered so many setbacks during her treatment, but she never allowed this to darken her soul. She met each challenge with grace and dignity, and always treated others with respect. She experienced fear and sadness, but she was never angry.

Don’t just read your favorite quote, LIVE IT. Melissa not only loved Muhammad Ali’s quote “Don’t count the days, make the days count,” she lived it. Most days Melissa couldn’t be found at home in bed, but on the glaciers of Alaska, the mountains of Colorado, or the beaches of Mexico.

Serve others. While fighting cancer, Melissa saved a woman’s life. When a fundraiser was held in her honor, she donated the funds (18,000 dollars) to the Breast Cancer Society. When she passed away, she donated her body to medical research.  Melissa put her hardships aside and served others. When life’s unfairness could have turned her into a bitter person, she rose to the challenge and considered it the perfect time to put her best foot forward. Despite her fight for life, she seemed to find pure happiness in serving others.

Have faith in God’s plan. Melissa was a devout Catholic and attended mass every Sunday. She understood God’s role in her life and never questioned why this happened to her.

No matter what, life is perfect. The last time I saw Melissa, she used a walker, spoke in short sentences, and slept 22 hours per day.  I asked her how she was feeling and she uttered one word: “Perfect.”

It was the perfect ending to a perfect friendship.

There is no doubt I put Melissa on a pedestal. She was perfection dressed in an Ann Taylor outfit. She was a super-hero in stylish heels instead of a cape. She was the Marcus Lutrell of cancer patients, but at the same time, she was elegant and classy, like Hollywood actresses long ago. She was a little slice of Heaven we enjoyed here on earth. She never let cancer define her and allowed her special attitude to define her instead.

To donate to the Melissa Bourgeois Hope Supply Program, click this link.